


Meat of the Matter

by Penstrokes_and_Daydreams



Series: Eat Your Heart Out [1]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, I don't know don't ask me to tag this, Pick Up Lines, The Barbecue, ish, meet cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penstrokes_and_Daydreams/pseuds/Penstrokes_and_Daydreams
Summary: Rook lends a hand at the Rye's barbecue, meets some interesting people, sees some interesting things. And, oh yeah, gets a date from the least likely place.Based off a Tumblr ask I submitted way back when.
Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge/Jacob Seed
Series: Eat Your Heart Out [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2191773
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Meat of the Matter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sneaky_Apostate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneaky_Apostate/gifts).



> So over a year ago I think, I posted an anonymous ask on @seedsplease Tumblr blog, making a joke about Rook helping out at the Rye's infamous barbecue, taking steak requests, and Jacob asking about raw options, leaving Rook to puzzle out if he was flirting or seriously planned to eat raw meat.  
> Well, jokes on me cause I wrote it.

Rook wished she could turn back time- even just an hour or so- long enough to swing by the local supermarket and pick up a bucket of chicken or box of cookies. Something, anything that she could bring to this stupid yard party to get out of “management duty.” One little moment of forgetfulness and now her day off was as good as gone. Here she was, supposedly off duty, running around trying to distract Sharky from the barbecue grill, talking to strangers about how they wanted their steak, and dodging stories about people’s distant relatives and past adolescent criminal activity. An average day for an officer of Hope County, minus the steaks.

All in all that would have been nothing more than irritating if it wasn’t for one particular group. According to Kim they were the Seed family, the heads of a sort of weirder-than-normal prepper cult. The name clicked with a few reports to the station about noise and such, but the county was a little wary about outsiders so Rook was willing to take it all with a grain of salt until today. First there was the girl in a sundress who’d been staring at the hedge the whole time, Faith; the guy with the glasses who didn’t seem to know what shampoo was, Joseph; the tall one who kept glaring at people who came within ten feet of him, Jacob; and then John, who seemed to spend most of his time just irritating Hurk, which was at least funny, but he looked like a city-slicker. She wasn’t crazy about getting too close to any of the four of them, but there were rules about the stupid cookout so she had to go talk to them and get the stupid steak requests.

“I’m a vegetarian.”

“No thank you, my child, I’m fasting.”

“What kind of beef is it?”

She wanted to scream by the time she made it to the guy in the corner, now left suitably alone and scrolling through his phone. When he saw her approach he seemed less interested in what she had to say and more interested in sizing her up for a fight, taking quick glances at her height, shoulders, hip where she might have a weapon. It was a weird thing to do, but at this point it was fine: she loved to fight. Without breaking eye contact Rook crossed her arms and planted her feet in front of him.

“And what do you want to eat? You look all macho, you want it extremely rare?”

The snappish tone earned her another sweep of his eyes over her, this time slow and detailed, until he locked them with her own, “Is raw an option?”

Her heart developed a spontaneous arrhythmia as she tried to figure out if he was joking or serious or if he really just asked to raw a stranger. Maybe somebody added extra “oregano” to something she ate; she’d steered clear of the brownies, but the people of Hope County were nothing if not innovative, and having a police presence never deterred them before. 

“Gonna catch flies with your mouth hanging open like that, honey.”

Without another word Rook just turned and walked away. The words- and that stupid smug look on his face like he was God’s gift to women- rattled around in her brain as she made a cooldown lap through the yard. There was still plenty of tea, beer, and lemonade; Sharky had moved to the front of the house with fireworks and was no longer a threat to the larger group; none of the chips bowls needed refilling. The lap wasn’t really helping her at all, and she’d have to do something eventually; if he was the only one without food it would be like she was giving in. Finally she just grabbed a slab of meat off Nick’s pile next to the grill, threw it on a plate, and walked right up to him. This time she wasn’t unarmed, either. His brother had, it turned out, a big mouth and paid no attention to whether anyone was listening.

“I heard you made the mac and cheese. Shoulda figured that you talked so big because your, ah, noodles are limp. Anyway…”

She tossed the plate at the table in front of him, expecting to be able to walk away with the upper hand, but apparently this had morphed from a battle of wills into a war. He just grinned again, cocky, like he knew something she didn’t and couldn’t wait to share. John may have had a reputation as the handsome one, but there was an intensity to Jacob that made her feel like a rabbit staring down a wolf; he fixed that look on her unflinchingly.

“Thanks, but I think there might be something I want to eat more.”

Even as she felt her cheeks turning pink, Rook tried to save face; she clicked her tongue, “Backing down so quickly, mountain man?”

“Not exactly. This is lunch. I’m making dinner plans.”

“Yeah? Lots of effort for a meal for one.”

He grinned wider, almost more threatening than friendly, a smile with too many teeth, “I’d love your company for dessert.”

Her throat was uncomfortably restricted again, not letting any responses out- which was probably a good thing, since her mind was completely blank. Wasn’t this guy supposed to be religious or  
something? Religious people didn’t spring racey pickup lines on strangers, surely. Well, Staci did, but he seemed more interested in the cringe following a particularly bad line than he did its actual success. And he was much less intimidating.

But then the Seed saved her from her own brain freeze by, while maintaining eye contact, tearing off a piece of the raw steak and popping it in his mouth. The flirting became unimportant. The man was insane. She was in real, mortal danger. Not caring that she must have looked like a complete coward, she sort of fled to Kim’s side inside the kitchen.

“I quit. I resign. Make Staci do your dirty work.”

Kim gave her the Look she’d perfected in preparation of motherhood, “Nice try, but Pratt brought paella. He cooks like an angel, Rook. Like an angel.”

“Fine. Use Hudson. I’ve had her cooking. It’s not fit for human consumption. There’s no way it should count.”

“You’re right, which is why she’s covering the station today so ya’ll can be here. You forgot to bring food, so now you have to help with the legwork.”

The deputy threw her head back with a groan, “You hate me. You’re placing my life at risk.”

“Is somebody bothering you, hun?”

Fortunately she was able to bite back the first, rather vulgar thing to pop in her mind and settled on a more neutral: “I thought Jacob Seed was flirting with me, but I think he may actually plan on killing and eating me.”

Kim nodded in consideration then went back to chopping cabbage for more coleslaw, “Jacob Seed eating you would not surprise me at all.”

The door slid open and shut as Nick walked in, nose wrinkled, “Okay, I don’t know what ya’ll are talking about, but please don’t ever mention Rook in the same sentence as a Seed and the word ‘eat.’ 

There’s only two things you could be talking about and both are disgusting and I don’t want to hear them.”  
Rook stuck her tongue out, “Not like I wanted to hear it either.”

“You sure you weren’t flirting with John? Little prick that’s been talking smack about my plane? The one who-”

She went ahead and cut her friend off before he could continue naming flaws, “Would I have given John raw steak? Would he have eaten it? He ate it, Nick. Raw. In front of me. He tore it to pieces with his hands.”

He looked almost nauseous, “Yeah that’s not John. What’s wrong with you if he thinks you’re attractive, though?”

“Hey! That’s uncalled for!”

The door slid open again.

“Rookie! Aren’t you supposed to be on crowd control?”

“You’re a pain in ass, Pratt.”

Her coworker winked,“I certainly could be if you asked nicely.”

Everyone in the kitchen groaned, which was the wrong reaction, because he practically preened at it. Staci would never try to make anybody do anything or actually harass them if they asked him to stop, but he thrived off negative attention like a misbehaving toddler.

“Your lover is leaving, Probie.”

“My…”

“He ate the steak. All of it, even after you left. I have half the missing person report written up and ready to go if you disappear in the next few weeks.”

He was a little too happy, and a sudden suspicion struck. Staci’s desire to be the class clown of adulthood extended to pranks from time to time, and everybody in town knew who the Seeds were. It wouldn’t be impossible for...

“Wait, this is a joke, isn’t it? Ya’ll are setting me up.” Rook drummed her fingers against the counter, still considering. Jacob Seed didn’t seem like the type to pull elaborate pranks, but nobody just ate raw meat to make a point.

“Trust me, probie, nobody would take a joke that far. Besides, do you think that man has a sense of humour?”

“Please, Stace, you don’t think I’m used to all the crap you pull yet?”

The man’s expression- something dangerously close to sheer terror- would have been a great denial if he hadn’t dedicated the last year of their lives to irritating her. No, now she was almost certain this was some grand scheme. That was why nobody told her to bring anything, why she had to go and talk to everybody. Kim wouldn’t have done this, but Nick certainly would have been willing to play a part of something he thought would be funny.

“You know what? Joke’s on you, I’m going to go ask him out.”

“Rook, please, I’m begging you not to do that.”

Kim was grimacing when she glanced over her shoulder and it almost made her question her new resolve. Was one-upping her friends really worth all this? If she was wrong? It didn’t matter, she’d put nothing past the combined minds of her friends when they decided she was still easy prey. Nick and Hurk once broke into her house and moved all her furniture two inches to the left. She’d had sore toes and shins for a month.

“Too late, here I go.”

“Rest in peace!” Nick called after her before the door slammed.

Rook found her target pretty easily, and her confidence wavered just a little. Even if this was nothing more than her piss poor friends having her own by recruiting an outsider, did she really want to get involved with a man willing to eat raw meat as a joke? Joey always said she had the self-preservation of a lemming, though, and he was hot and clearly pretty clever.

“Back for seconds?”

“I’ll have dinner with you if you want.”

He blinked but didn’t look too shocked, “Alright. Next Thursday at six sound good?”

“Sounds fine. Do you want my number?”

“Yeah.”

She held out her hand for his phone but he just stared at it. 

“Just tell me. I’ll remember.”

“There’s no way you’ll-”

“I don’t have my phone. If you don’t tell me, I can just call the station.”

The idea was mortifying. Whitehorse would never let her outside again; she’d spend the rest of her career in law enforcement with Nancy, discussing crochet patterns. Rook loved the socks, they were a  
blessing in the face of the Montana winter, but she didn’t want to talk about how many rows were involved in making them. She surrendered and just recited her number. He repeated it back to her without hesitation.

“I’m glad we got to the meat of the matter, kitten.”

The Deputy stood there a minute after Jacob winked and walked away to go gather up his siblings, wondering what exactly she had gotten into. It was ridiculous, and she’d probably regret it- if not by tomorrow than by Friday. But maybe she wouldn’t. Either way, the barbecue wasn’t boring, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't eat raw meat kids it's bad for you. Also don't eat barbecue in Montana at all (but steak isn't barbecue and they do have good beef up there if you eat meat, also great bread).  
> Jacob has to drive home because John has no clue how to drive on country roads, Joseph can't drive at all, and Faith spent the entire party stealing pot brownies off Sharky's plate without him noticing and is too stoned to drive. Sharky briefly wondered if he was losing his mind.


End file.
